Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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