i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
