i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
