THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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