so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
