man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
