she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
