turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
