1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
