I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
