I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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