so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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