And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
