I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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