any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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