His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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