All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
