Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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