I'm jealous of your bromance
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
