Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
