dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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