i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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