dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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