He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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