And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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