I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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