I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
