I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
