He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
