A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
