My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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