he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
