Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
