She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
