my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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