hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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