i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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