I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
