I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
