he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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