he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
