It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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