I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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