I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
