someone owes me an orgasm
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love you. Go after that dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
