I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
