when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
