Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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