mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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