it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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