You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
